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>> Friday, August 29, 2008

Parents floored me the other night by spontaneously suggesting I move in with them, work fewer hours, and finish my last year of undergrad. I think my initial response was a completely involuntary spluttering of some version of "Are you insane?" though this was more out of surprise that they would choose to subject themselves to having me live with, and to some degree off, them again. Still haven't been able to process this proposal.

The only thing that comes to mind as a possibility as to why they would ever think it a good idea (apart from the normal parental urge to see my education finished and myself set up on a career path that fits their not too unreasonable impressions of what I should or at least could be doing with this portion of my life) is the possible arrival of a set of grandparents from across the country who would need care. For some reason, said grandparents get along with me pretty well when we're together, and having a third person around would certainly help take some of the load off of my parents. But I don't think this would have occurred to them consciously, so I'm left wondering. I certainly want to help them and my grandparents, so that would actually be a mark in favor of moving in.

Part of me thinks that this would be the most practical thing to do, and part of me is equally convinced that we would drive each other crazy in a very short amount of time. Good progress on that was made in the past, and I have no interest at all in picking up where we left off. Nor do I have any desire at this point to place myself in a situation that leaves me in their debt, or under an obligation to behave in any way towards them that I wouldn't otherwise. Help is inseparable from interference, and while I'm not sure that it shouldn't be, I don't want to come to depend upon anything that can be taken away on a whim. Being able to say no to them without suffering for it in any other way than experiencing the unpleasantness of having argued is incredibly important to me. When faced with the choice between expediency and autonomy, it's a little surprising to realize that I might actually pick the latter.

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Assuming I ever get around to having any, opinions expressed here are my own, whilst ideas are typically the illegitimate children of the last several things I've read. Viewer discretion advised in the case of uploaded self-portraits. Do not bother to fold, spindle, or mutilate the contents, as I can adequately do so myself without assistance. At almost all times, my tongue is firmly in cheek- I don't take myself terribly seriously even when my subject matter is serious, and any reader would be advised not to, either. React as you like, but I consider this to be the equivalent of practicing the cello at home near a slightly-opened window. You are welcome to stop and listen, but I play for myself.

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